


couple of dudes being guys, couple of guys being dudes, couple of dudes being gay,

by like



Category: South Park
Genre: Alcohol, Asperger Syndrome, Clyde being tactless, Dick Pics, Emoji Discussion, Everyone Is Gay, Grinding, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Kissing, Light Angst, M/M, Making Out, Party, Truth or Dare, can't believe this wasn't a tag before, everyone also fucked each other, is this light? i guess it is if you compare it to other things i've written, it isn't explicitly stated so you have to guess who i'm talking about, not south park aspergers tho. it's actual aspergers, the main ship is gonna be clenny but the other ships are mentioned so, they're around 18 here
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-03-13
Updated: 2018-04-22
Packaged: 2019-03-31 00:24:42
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 10,080
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13963314
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/like/pseuds/like
Summary: ok so there's a party but none of the girls are there so the boys decide to play truth or dare for some reason and find out they're all fucking gay (except for like, token, who deserves a break)





	1. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5EDwqDEXJMU

**Author's Note:**

> this is going to be mainly clenny with mentions of other ships as you can see,, i started writing this as a joke and it turned into the longest thing i've ever written  
> huge thank you to my best friend who gave me some ideas for this fic and helped me write it in general <3

It was a regular Friday night, meaning there was a regular Friday night party at Token's house. Unfortunately, since most girls were cheerleaders this year, and they had an intense practicing camp for the weekend, the party contained of mostly boys.

"This is a total sausage fest." Clyde mumbled into the crowd.

Everyone was sitting around the living room, pretty bored since there were no girls to dance or flirt with. The music's volume was a little low compared to other weeks because no one really wanted to dance alone and look gay.

"Maybe we could… play something?" Kyle suggested.

"Play? What are we, 10?" Cartman started laughing.

"I actually think it's a good idea." Token said. "Probably the only thing that can save this party."

Cartman grumbled something incoherent and angry in response but remained quiet after that.

"Stan, truth or dare?" Kenny suddenly asked from where he was seated on the floor. Apparently they were playing truth or dare now.

"Huh?" Stan was kind of focused on every little detail in Kyle's hand, pretty high from the joint they passed outside earlier. It always affected him in more extreme ways than the others. Or maybe he was just pretending to be super high so he could find an excuse to do gay shit with Kyle and then later blame the weed. "Uuuuh… Truth?"

"Damn, that ruined my plans." Kenny mumbled under his breath. Before Stan could ask what he meant, he continued, "okay, so… If you got to have a threesome with people in this room, who would you do it with and why?"

"Damn Ken, already pulling out the big guns I see." Cartman said.

Stan turned white for a second before starting to actually think. "I guess… Kyle, since he's the obvious choice, and, uh…"

"Wait, why am I the obvious choice?" Kyle suddenly interrupted.

"You're acting as if you guys never fucked before." Kenny says with a slight laugh.

"We… haven't, though." Kyle seems genuinely confused at Kenny's statement.

"What do you mean by that?" Kenny mimicked the confused expression.

"What I just said. We haven't fucked. Ever."

"Kyle, all best friends fuck at least once. Or well, at least try to, before something awkward happens and they never talk about it again. It's a law of nature."

"Me and Clyde never fucked." Craig felt like contributing to the conversation.

"You're kidding me." Kenny felt so lost.

"Kenny, I don't think it's that normal for best friends to fuck, actually." Kevin mumbled.

Cartman turned a super red shade over this conversation, and of course Kyle noticed that.

"Holy shit, did you two fuck!?" he yelled.

When he opened his mouth, Cartman's voice sounded like the squeak of a dying bird. "We said no homo though."

Kyle just started laughing at that. Stan let out a few giggle that soon turned into a full on laughter. The other boys sitting in the room all started laughing with them. Both Kenny and Cartman were just staring at their own laps.

"Wait, hold on," Kenny suddenly said very loudly to make the others shut up, "You never answered the question, Stanley. Why _is_ Kyle the obvious choice?"

Now it was Stan's turn to turn red. "W-Well, you know, uh, be-because, um…"

"Oh my god, this is so fucking gay…" Cartman returned to his normal color and was staring at Stan with anticipation.

"It's just. Always seemed to obvious? Like, that if I ever had a threesome, and one of the people had to be a dude, it'd be Kyle. I can't really explain it, that's just the way it is." Stan finally muttered out.

Kenny thought for a few seconds. "I accept that answer!"

Stan sighed in relief.

"But you haven't picked another person. Go ahead, Stanley." Kenny smirked.

Stan really hated Kenny right now. "I guess… Token? Because, um… I don't know, you just seem like the type who won't tell anyone if something embarrassing happens."

"Thank you?" Token seemed confused, but seems like he took it as a compliment.

"My truth is over, right?" Stan asked and Kenny nodded, a little hurt from how Stan didn't pick him. "Alright then, um… Craig, truth or dare?"

"Who said I was playing?"

"I did. Right now. Truth or dare?"

Craig sighed. "Truth."

"Why are you all so boring," Jason mumbled from the side.

Both Stan and Craig chose to ignore him. "Are you really gay?"

Craig looked genuinely puzzled for a second there. "I mean… yes? I don't really understand the question."

"Because, like, when you and Tweek first started dating, during the whole yaoi thing," Stan started and Tweek squeaked from his spot next to Craig, "I was sure you were just faking it to make everyone happy and get more money. But like, you guys seem to like each other a lot, for real. So I was just curious… is it real, or are you really faking?"

"Doesn't matter. Doesn't change the fact I was gay even before that." Craig just said bluntly.

A collective gasp from everyone in the room (excluding Tweek… and Clyde) and a moment of silence, before "dude, the fuck" could be heard from Cartman.

"So you're gay. For real. And You were before the whole yaoi thing." Stan tried to clarify things inside his own head.

"Yes, that's how being gay works. You can be gay even without Asian girls drawing pictures of you and your friend." Craig gave another sigh. "But I'm guessing you mean if I knew I was gay before that. In that case, yes, I did."

Another collective gasp, but this time no moment of silence following it.

"How… how… how d-did you know y-you were g-g-gay, Craig?" Jimmy asked immediately.

"It's sort of something you just know." he shrugged.

"Bullshit. You probably had a crush on someone, and they're probably sitting in that room right now." Cartman says sternly. "Tell us who it is, or we'll beat you up."

Kyle rolled his eyes. "No one's gonna beat anyone up, fatass. But seriously, Craig, you gotta tell us if you had a crush on one of us."

"I gotta?" Craig mock-asked.

"Well, yeah! That's just the way it is!"

Craig sighed the heaviest sigh of them all now, "whoever I had a crush on – they already know. And I don't owe anything to any of you other than that, so I won't tell."

A chorus of disappointed "aw"s and "god damnit" could be heard throughout the room.

"Tweek." Craig said suddenly.

"Aaaah!" Tweek did not expect his name to be said, causing him to yell. "…what?"

Craig smirked. "Truth or dare?"

"Oh jesus, I can't pick, what if I pick truth and you all ask me an embarrassing question and what if I pick dare and I can't complete it and-"

"Tweek, just pick something."

It took a moment of shaking and twitching before Tweek finally stuttered out a "dare".

"Strip."

"What the actual fuck?!" Tweek yells, half in fear, half in anger.

"If you don't want to, then you have to take a shot for every piece of clothing you keep on."

Tweek seemed like he was thinking really hard about his dare now. He finally said, "I'm keeping my pants and underwear."

A few "woo"s and hooting could be heard from some of the other boys, but Tweek ignored them as he started to unbutton his shirt and take off his shoes and socks. There were already two shots ready for him when he was done undressing.

"So I take those two shots, and you all leave me alone, right?" Tweek tried to make sure.

"Well, until someone decides to ask you again." Kenny replied.

"Oh jesus…" Tweek said, surprisingly quiet. "You guys, please don't ask me again.  This is too much pressure."

His voice was surprisingly serious, which made almost everyone in the room to share a look that said 'let's not ask Tweek again'. Well, at least that's what Kenny understood from that moment.

Tweek quickly took the two shots one after the other and made a disgusted face after the second one.

"I, uh, don't really want to ask anyone, can someone do it for me?" he said.

"Sure Tweek, I'll take your turn." Kenny immediately said before anyone else could volunteer.

"Hey, that's not fair, some of us-"

"Clyde, truth or dare?" he ignored whoever it was who started talking.

"Dare, duh." Clyde said as if Kenny should have known what he was gonna pick even though they never talked before outside of 'pass me that bottle' or 'did we have any homework today?'.

"Oooooo, kay then," Kenny started saying. "I dare you to kiss whoever you think is the hottest here. But I mean, really kiss. Really go at it. I wanna see tongue action, maybe even a little humping. Scratch that, I want you to seduce them somehow, then take them to Token's room and fuck them into the mattress. Make them scream, Clyde. I want to be able to hear it all the way from here."

"Please don't go anywhere near my room." Token said.

"Yeah, I'm not going to do that." Clyde said.

"You're no fun." Kenny pouted. "Fine, then the original dare goes – kiss them, but make it interesting."

Clyde nodded and started thinking. He was looking intensely at everyone around him, and it took him a good three minutes to make a decision.

He got up, looked around again, before walking straight to nobody else but Scott fucking Malkinson.

Apparently it was because he was sitting next to Kenny. Clyde planted himself in Kenny's lap, his legs on both sides of the boy's thighs, his arms around his neck, and his eyes staring right into Kenny's.

"I gotta say, I'm a little surprised." Kenny chuckled.

"As if." Clyde joined his chuckle and started leaning in. It didn't take long before his lips were right on Kenny's.

It was a little awkward at first, and Kenny could tell Clyde didn't have as much experience as he had, but they soon learned each other and found a position and a rhythm that was comfortable for both of them. Kenny used that opportunity to shove his tongue in Clyde's mouth and was glad to see it didn't startle him and that he actually started moving his tongue along with his.

Kenny was surprised, though, when the boy on top of him literally started grinding his hips like Kenny jokingly suggested earlier. He wasn't complaining though.

Clyde groaned quietly into his mouth, and he was hoping no one else heard it.

"Jesus guys, get a fucking room."

Of course Cartman heard it.

Or maybe he was just reacting generally to the grinding. Now that he thought about it, Kenny realized they really did go a bit too far for a dare, and in front of all their friends, no less. But he just couldn't bring himself to stop. The kiss (did that even still count as a kiss?) was too pleasant, Kenny felt like he was actually in a foreplay of a session now.

Luckily for everyone around them, Clyde broke the kiss. Instead of smirking or winking like Kenny sort of expected him to do, he just stared down and blushed. The boy probably didn't even know he had it in himself. Or maybe this was just how he reacted whenever he realized he had a certain kink (this time the said kink being exhibitionism).

Either way, he was doing all that, but still sitting on Kenny, and _this_ was getting a little awkward. At least while they were kissing Kenny could forget there were people around them, but now he had his eyes open and he didn't have anything else to focus on so he could actually feel everyone's stares even without looking directly at them.

"Woah ho ho, that was impressive. Seriously, I'm aroused." Cartman said, obviously sarcastic. "Are you guys done? Because if you want to proceed I'm sure Token has a spare room."

"Please don't drag me into this." Token sounded so tired. "But I do have a spare room, Clyde knows where it is so if you two wanna go there he can just-"

"No! No, we're okay." Clyde finally said and started getting up. "This was just a dare. You all know I never back out from dares."

"You literally refused to take my dare the other day." Craig said.

"Craig, you told me to eat your ass. What if it tasted like poop? You know I can't stand bad flavors. I'll literally die right there behind your ass. Do you feel comfortable with the scenario of finding me dead while you're naked?" Without letting him answer, Clyde continued. "Aha. Didn't think so."

Kenny would've cursed life at the fact his ass will never be eaten by Clyde, but he was too busy laughing at Craig's blush. His face was as blank and unreadable as ever, only a very deep shade of red, making it a little… less unreadable.

Almost everyone were laughing, except for Tweek who looked slightly horrified, Butters who probably didn't get what was going on, and Clyde who just didn't seem to realize what was wrong with what he said.

"Hey Jimmy!" Clyde continued the game as if the last 2 minutes never happened. "Truth or… truth? Haha, I'm just messing with you. Truth or dare? But please pick truth because I have a very important question for you." Clyde tried to give a puppy eyes face which only worked because Jimmy was nice and also very tired.

"Alright, t-t-t-truth." Jimmy replied.

"How do you have sex?"

There was a smack heard through the room. When Clyde looked over to the source of the sound, he just saw Craig facepalming. Ah. So the sound came from Craig slapping his own forehead. That was pretty normal.

"W-W-What do you mean by that?" Jimmy looked a little lost, but asked anyway.

"Your legs work weird, right? So like… how do you thrust and all that?" Clyde looked entirely curious.

Jimmy was even more tired now. "Just like you. I p-p-push my bod- I push my bo- I push my bodhhh- I push my body up and down, I guess."

"I see, I see."

"Also, there's always riding."

"Oh shit, you're right! I can't believe I forgot about that!" Clyde's eyes lit up. "It's like, my favorite."

"I didn't know Donovan likes it up the ass." Someone mumbled. Probably Cartman.

"I meant having your dick ridden on, asshole." He mumbled in return.

"S-So, uh," Jimmy started thinking, "B-B-B-Butters, truth or dare?"

"Oh, me? Uuuuh… Dare?" Butters answered.

"I actually don't have any ideas for dares for you, h-hold on." Jimmy said and pulled out his phone, fiddling with it for a minute. "Okay, h-here's a n-n-nice one: You have to say 'I’m just a silly boy' and slap yourself gently on the face 20 times."

"Oh jeez, do I have to?"

"Come on B-Butters, this is the perfect dare."

"Alright…" Butters took a deep breath before raising one hand and bringing it to his face, slapping in gently. "I'm just a silly boy." Again. "I'm just a silly boy." Again.

This has gone like this until Butters was finished, his cheek already pink despite the gentleness of the slaps.

It wasn't as funny as the other truths or dares, but Cartman was losing his shit at the entire thing.

"Okay then, I think I'm done." Butters said. "What do I do now?"

"You ask someone in the room if they'd like to get a truth or a dare, Butters." Kenny explained.

"Oh. Hey Eric, you didn't get one the entire game, right? So… truth or dare?"

"Truth. I don't trust the dares you'd all give me." Cartman rolls his eyes.

"Well then, um…" Butters started thinking. "Who's your crush?"

Now everyone in the room joined Cartman in their eye rolling.

"I have a crush on Mel… Melanie Martinez, Butters. Everyone knows that." Cartman said angrily. "She is an icon, and an idol for suicidal people like me everywhere."

"O-Oh… right… sorry…" Butters lowered his head in shame.

"Didn't she rape her best friend or something?" Scott said as if he was relevant.

"Shut the fuck up Scott Malkinson, as if _you're_ perfect!" Cartman yelled, before calming down and realizing it was his turn now. "Well well well." He though out loud. "Kahl."

"Oh boy."

"Truth or dare?"

Kyle sighed. "Truth, I guess?"

"If there are any, then name all the people in this room whom you've slept with."

Kyle froze. "Uuuh… I don't think I really want to do that…"

"Why not? We all know it's gonna be Stan anyway." Kenny said with a giggle.

Kyle frowned at him but then returned to the worried expression he wore before. "Cartman, I don't think this is a good idea…"

"What's the matter, _Kahl_? Scared everyone will think you're a homo?" Cartman raised an eyebrow. "They already think that anyway, don't worry."

"No they don't! Right guys?"

No one dared to make eye contact with him after this question.

"Fine! Then I guess I'll just tell everyone that the only person in this room that I slept with… is you!" Kyle said angrily.

"What the fuck." Stan said flatly.

Cartman seemed a little taken aback. "Ha… ha… what are you talking about, Kyle?"

"You know god damn well what I'm talking about, fatass." Kyle stared directly at Cartman, who was now refusing to look back at him. "Two weeks ago. After the usually party. We were both drunk and walked home together, and somehow ended up in your house, having sex." Kyle probably didn't realize he was basically humiliating himself along with Cartman.

"I'm honestly not surprised. Not even a little." Kenny said. "While I did not think it'd happen until you're both 25 and meet in like, class reunion or some shit, this development is not surprising at all."

"Yeah, true." Stan sighed. Everyone mumbled "true" or "agree" along with him.

Kyle wasn't really sure if he should be insulted, angry, or maybe if he should just accept that this was super obvious and there was no reason for him to hide it anyway.

He groaned half in sort of watered down anger and half in relief of finally letting it out.

"C'mon dude, ask someone." Stan bumped his shoulder lightly.

Kyle looked over to his friend, then around the circle. "Fine." He started thinking, who did he want to get revenge on most besides Cartman? Probably Kenny, because of that little comment earlier. "Kenny, it's not fair you got to ask 2 people but never got a dare yourself. Truth or dare?"

"Ah, I've been waiting for this." Kenny gave a toothy grin. "Dare. Hit me with your best shot, Broflovski."

"Alright, just give me a second." Kyle started thinking. It actually took him quite a while to think something up, and he felt everyone's eyes on him.

"Hey Kyle, if you need, like, a boost for your thoughts and motivation, I can send a dick pic." Kenny winked.

Oh. "Sure, Kenny, that's a wonderful idea. Take a dick pic. Right now."

"Okay… That's not as exciting as I-"

"And send it to your parents."

Kenny turned white. "No."

"That's the dare, dude." Kyle had the most smug expression anyone has ever seen on his face. "You're not allowed to delete it until they both reply to it or until the next time you meet them."

"But… what am I supposed to do if they ask me what's going on?"

"You can either tell the truth – that you got a dare to send them a dick pic – which honestly is probably the better decision, or you can make up a lie and say you meant to send it to somebody else. I don't know man, you pick."

Kenny sighed and pulled out his phone. "Alright. I'm gonna do it." He unzipped his pants.

"Dude." Kyle covered his face with his hand in disappointment.

"You told me to take a dick pic right now, you face the consequences." Kenny said right as he pulled both his pants and boxers down to reveal his dick.

Most were shielding their eyes. Cartman wasn't, probably since he's already seen it, and Butters wasn't, probably out of curiosity, and Clyde wasn't too – but it was pretty obvious why.

There was a fake camera shutter sound from Kenny's phone and there were some rustling clothes sounds. "Okay, you can uncover your innocent eyes now."

Everyone took off their hands from their eyes and turned to Kenny, who was holding his phone with shaking hands.

"I'm gonna do it."

"Just click send already, dude."

"Shut up, I'm under a lot of pressure right now, I need some time."

"No. Send it. Right now." Kyle said sternly.

Kenny sighed, dramatically clicking the send button with his left hand.

Not a minute passed before he got a phone call.

"Put it on speaker, please, I'm begging." Cartman said.

Kenny sighed and answered the call, putting it on speaker like his friend requested.

"KENNETH MCCORMICK!" Kenny's mom's voice blared through the speaker and was echoing through the silent room. "EXPLAIN TO ME RIGHT NOW WHAT YOU JUST SENT!"

"Oh - hi mom," Kenny started replying quietly, "I'm just… playing truth or dare with friends."

"AND THEY TOLD YOU TO SEND YOUR MOM A PICTURE OF A PENIS?!"

"Uh- no, they told me to send both you and dad a picture of, well, not just any penis, but my penis."

Carol's sigh was heard. "I don't know if I should punish you for this or applaud you for not backing out of a dare."

"Punish him!" Cartman yelled before Kyle slapped his face to shut him up.

"Who was that? Kenny, am I on speaker?" Carol's voice was raising again.

"Uh… yes?" Kenny squeaked.

"YOU GET HOME RIGHT NOW, MISTER, OR YOU'LL FACE THE CONSEQUENCES!" She yelled through the phone.

Kenny sighed. "Fine." He hung up. "Can someone give me a lift?"

"Yeah man, I'll do it." Clyde volunteered. "I think I'm getting sleepy anyway."

"If you fall asleep while driving and get me killed, I'll kill you back once I come back to life."

Clyde laughed nervously. "What the fuck?" He said as he got up from his chair anyway.

"Never mind. Let's just go." Kenny was already opening the door and stepping out of it.

Clyde nodded even though Kenny wasn't looking at him anymore, and stepped out as well.

"20 bucks says they fuck in the car before they get to Kenny's house." Cartman threw into the room.

Kyle sighed. "You're on, fatass."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> whoever finds all the references in this fic gets a cameo in the next chapter (i'm joking you won't get a cameo but feel free to guess anyway)   
> if you wanna chat with me about clenny (or literally any other ship) or just talk in general feel free to hmu on tumblr i'm cclyde


	2. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o3PF8CYN4i0

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> cartman sucked kenny's mom's dick

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i hope you all learn from reading this chapter as much as i learned from writing it  
> +i'm sorry if the last part seems a bit off i wrote it when i was a lil tired rip

Kenny wasn't sure if the fact his house was on the other side of town was a good thing or a bad thing. It was good because this way he could avoid the dreaded talk with his parents for longer, but it was bad because he knew they'd just give him more shit for being late.

The fact Clyde was a pretty slow driver didn't help his stress over the second part, but he wasn't going to say anything. He wasn't going to be the first one to break the sort of silence (sort of being because Clyde decided it'll be a great idea to put a 2007 Greatest Hits playlist as background music for their awkward silence).

"So…" Good thing Clyde decided to be the said first one. "Uh… beautiful day outside, isn't it?"

"It's past midnight, but uh, sure." Kenny gave a small smile that was missed because Clyde was a fucking nerd and kept his eyes on the road at all times despite it being empty.

He heard a mumbled 'fuck' from Clyde's general direction before there was another minute of silence.

"Hey Clyde," Kenny tried starting a conversation again now that he knew Clyde was willing to have one, "Ya like jazz?"

Clyde, sadly, did not recognize the reference, or at least ignored it. "Nah. My mom used to so it just reminds me of her now, I guess."

"Oh."

"Yeah."

Another awkward silence.

"Do you… have a particular liking to Jerry Seinfeld?" Clyde asked after those unbearable 30 seconds. Oh thank god, he did recognize it.

"Yeah. The fact he always carried a gun on set really turns me on."

Clyde giggled, too busy holding the steering wheel to try to hide it. "You know that rumor's wrong, right? He always carried gum, but someone misheard it once."

"Well then, my boner isn't going down, so I guess I'm just into autistic, jewish old men then."

"…He's not autistic either, he took it back a little after he said he was."

"Well damn Clyde, I didn't know you were a walking Jerry Seinfeld encyclopedia."

Clyde giggled again. "I read his wikipedia article about 2 months ago so now I know lots of useless trivia."

Kenny's eyebrows shot up. "Well damn, I did not expect that. Tell me more facts!" Kenny said excitedly, "not about Seinfeld though," he quickly added.

"Hmmm, okay, let me think something up." Clyde said, still watching the road. "Lovespoons?"

"Is that, like, the term for spooning after making love or some gay shit like that?"

"No, asshole." Clyde shook his head. "They're this thing men used to give to women they liked in the 17th century."

"So… dicks?"

"Fuck you, man. I'm not telling you any other cool facts I have stored in my brain."

"Sorry, I'll shut up. Please tell me what lovespoons are. I'm curious now."

"It's like, a decorative wooden spoon that's been carved by the man giving it to the woman. He does it so the woman's father will know he's good at woodwork, or some shit like that."

"I guess that makes sense."

"Really?"

"No."

"Huh."

Kenny completely turned himself to face Clyde and started hitting his shoulder lightly. "More facts!"

"Alright, alright, jeez, calm down." Clyde took his eyes off the road for literally half a second only to give Kenny a short, angry look. "Did you know Mauritius never participated in the winter Olympics?"

Kenny sat back properly again. "That's sad."

"I know. They also got only one medal in their whole history of participating in summer Olympics. And even that one was bronze."

"That's even sadder. I feel sad now. Fuck you, Clyde." Kenny said, but made sure you could hear in his tone that he was joking. Just in case. "Tell me a fact about… flowers."

"I can't."

"Why not?"

"I never read anything about flowers." Clyde shrugged, "I don't like flowers, they're not interesting."

"And Jerry Seinfeld is?" Kenny raised an eyebrow.

"Fuck you man, Jerry Seinfeld is my inspiration." Clyde said in a completely serious tone. "You gotta have guts to make a movie about a woman fucking a bee. I aspire to be this brave."

The whiplash from Clyde's serious tone to what came after made Kenny laugh hysterically. It wasn't even that funny, but the fear he felt at first – that he might have offended Clyde for real - and the relief that came after could only be let out by laughing and sounding like a dying donkey. Soon, Clyde joined his laughing, which turned so hard that he had to pull over. Luckily, he stopped a short walking distance from Kenny's house, and as soon as the laughing died down, Kenny decided that's his cue to leave.

"If you ever wanna… continue your dare, just give me call, yeah?" He winked at the other boy as he unbuckled his seatbelt.

Clyde blushed, not meeting Kenny's eyes. "Sure, man. Yeah. I'd totally do that. Uh-huh. Thanks for the offer. I'll hold you to it. Yes. I-"

"Or we could do it now?" Kenny cut off Clyde's rambling with a smirk.

"Sh-shouldn't you go talk to your parents or something?"

You see, Kenny's learned something today.

Clyde Donovan wouldn't put out without an audience.

But Kenny still wanted to keep teasing him.

"I'll probably get punished anyway for the shit I pulled off earlier, being late wouldn't affect much." He shrugged, turning his body fully to Clyde again.

"Oh, I see." Clyde was still facing the front window, not daring to even look at Kenny. "But, uh, still, why making the punishment any worse, you should probably- eep!"

Clyde straight up _squeaked_ when Kenny grabbed his chin and forced him to look into his eyes.

"My offer still stands…" Kenny whispered, leaning closer to Clyde and pulling him closer as well by the chin.

Clyde could have easily pulled out of his grasp, or grab his hand and twist it, or fucking slap or punch him, but he did none of that. He let Kenny lead him.

But that wasn't a 'yes', so Kenny pulled away, right before their lips touched.

"This was a fun drive, thanks for the ride man." He smiled and opened the car door, going out and slamming the door behind him before Clyde could answer.

The walk home was as short as he expected and soon he was faced with his house's front door. He took a deep breath before grabbing the handle and opening it.

Unsurprisingly, the door was unlocked. More unsurprisingly, his parents were waiting for him in the living room. Most unsurprisingly, they looked _pissed_.

"Look, I can explain." He said before they could start yelling at him.

"Explain what, using your mother as an entertaining tool for a party!?" Carol said. "You have no idea how much trouble you're in, Mister!"

"Yeah, uh, can this wait for tomorrow? I'm tired." Kenny said and started walking to his room before she replied.

"Kenny, listen to your mother!" He could hear his father yell from behind him.

Kenny just groaned and entered his room as fast as he could, shutting the door behind him. He really was too tired to face them right now, that wasn't a lie.

He changed out of his clothes and face planted himself in his bed, closing his eyes and trying to force himself to sleep.

Once he managed to do that, his dreamt about carving wooden spoons and kissing brown haired boys.

* * *

It was a Saturday morning tradition, to meet in Stan's basement, lock the door behind them, get comfy on the old couch in the middle of the room, and spill some secrets regarding the party occurring the night before.

As soon as the first few phases were done – meeting, locking, getting comfy – Kenny groaned.

"That bad, huh?" Stan asked as if he knew the reason for that groan.

"Yeah man. Got grounded for two weeks because of the shit you guys made me do." Kenny made sure they all felt guilty.

"Th-then, how are you here?" Butters asked with something that looked like fear in his eyes.

"I sneaked out."

"That's not allowed though!"

"Butters, shut the fuck up." Cartman said. "Now man, you owe us some details about what happened after you left."

"Should it be the other way around? Like, me asking you guys-"

"Spill the fucking details, you dick!"

Kenny rolled his eyes. "Fine. He drove me to my house, he played music from 2007, he told me facts about Jerry Seinfeld after I made a Bee Movie reference, then he told me some other interesting facts, then I joked about us having sex and pretended I'm gonna kiss him, then I left." Kenny remained monotone while telling his friends all that.

"So… You didn't fuck?" Kyle asked.

"Uh… no?"

"Ha! You owe me 20 bucks, fatass!"

Kenny was disappointed but not surprised about his friends making bets about his sex life, mostly because it wasn't the first time. He couldn't forget that week their group liked to call 'Kyle Got Fucketh' when Kyle lost almost 200$ to bets he made with Cartman and a dragged-along Butters when Kenny was trying to score a perfect week. He'd like to think Kyle gained as much as he lost during that week, since he was day number 6.

Kenny snapped out of his nostalgia attack when he realized Stan was calling his name.

"Yeah man?" he asked the boy next to him.

Stan's voice was surprisingly low, as if he didn't want the others to hear him. "Why?"

Kenny realized what he meant by that. "I didn't get a 'yes' from him. I wasn't going to kiss a guy before he told me he wanted this."

"Wasn't what happened at the party enough to clarify he wanted this?"

"Just because he wanted it at one point, doesn't mean he would at another." Kenny shrugged, leaving out his theory about Clyde not getting it on without people watching.

"I guess you're right…" Stan seemed deep in thought about something, so Kenny decided to face the other guys again.

"So what did I miss after leaving?" he decided to ask them, "Did you guys keep playing?"

Kyle's face turned red immediately, and Kenny could see through the corner of his eyes that Stan did too. He also noticed Cartman's eye twitching a little.

"Yeah!" Butters was the only one kind enough to answer his question, bless him. "Sure was a lot of fun! I got to hear all kinds of secrets about everyone!"

Kenny raised his eyebrows. "Oh? Like what?"

"Like, did you know Jimmy once slept with a- a prostitute?!"

"Uh, yeah dude, back in fourth grade. Everyone remembers that."

"No, he's done it again this year!" Butters was wide eyed and tense as if he was talking about some conspiracy theory he was passionate about. "That absolute madman!"

Kenny covered his mouth so Butters wouldn't see him giggling and get hurt. "Wow, why- why did he end up doing that?"

"It was a dare! Why would he do that for a dare? Sleeping with someone should be an act of love, right Kenny?"

"Of course," he lied. "Any other interesting things that happened during the game?"

"Oh, uh, not much." Butters shrugged. "Lots of drinking dares. Craig threw up. Scott took his clothes off. Stan confessed his love to Kyle. Kevin offered to, uh, give my dicky-dick a little sucky-suck. His words, not mine. Nothing too big, you know."

Kenny was nodding along everything Butters said until he was finished talking. It was all still processing in his head when he realized what Butters said. As soon as he did, he just punched Stan on the shoulder.

"Dude! What the fuck was that?" Stan was probably so deep in thought he didn't notice the conversation going on around him.

"You confessed?!" Kenny turned around to face Stan fully so he could grab him by both shoulders.

"Uh… sort of…"

"Fucking finally!" Kenny let go of Stan and turned around to face Kyle. "And what did you say in return?!"

Kyle just looked down in his lap and didn't say a word.

"Oh, god damnit, you said no? To that hot piece of ass?" He stabbed Stan's arm with his finger as he pointed to him (which caused Stan to let out an embarrassing yelp), "Your loss, man. More Stan for the rest of us. Though I gotta say I'm really proud of you both for coming here today and act as if everything's alright."

"It's no act!" Kyle burst into his words. "Everything's alright, really. We talked about this. No awkwardness or hard feelings. We're still best friends and everything is normal, I promise."

Kenny nodded and smiled, despite knowing this will never work. But like, if his friends wanted to pretend, he'd let them.

"How about you, Cartman?" Kenny asked his friend with a smirk, "You've been awfully quiet during this entire conversation. Anything interesting happened to you after I left?"

"Oh yeah, something very interesting actually did happen to me last night." Cartman said in a happy voice. "I sucked your mom's dick, asshole."

"Ouch. Someone's grumpy. Afraid loverboy is gonna steal away your toy?"

That earned him a gasp from Butters, a confused-yet-angry look from Stan, and two boys who got up from their spots to stand directly in front of him with what seemed like genuine hellfire in their eyes.

"Kenny, I swear to god, one day you'll die, and it will be my hands." Kyle said, trying to sound threatening.

"Already happened, but go on."

"What? I mean- if you ever call me a toy again, I will rip your arm off and shove it up your own ass." 

"And I'll do the same with your other arm." Cartman joined in.

"Boys, boys, please. Don't share all your kinks with us, save some of that for the when it's only you two in one bedroom. Or any other room, I don't judge."

"God, Kenny, shut up already." Stan mumbled, probably getting tired of Kenny's bad jokes. "You're only making this worse for yourself."

"True, but it's funny to see their reactions." Kenny giggled and leaned back on the couch, letting his arms go and place themselves on the couch's back.

Realizing they were probably only making it worse for themselves by reacting that way, the two boys went back to their places, though still red-faced and frowning.

"Hey fellas," Butters was probably desperate to change the mood, "what are you going to do after graduation?"

"I dunno. Die, probably." Stan immediately said.

"Stan, I'm being serious!"

"Yeah, same."

Butters sighed, figuring out on his own that Stan probably didn't have a plan yet. "How about you, Kyle?"

"I applied to some places I think would fit me," Kyle shrugged, "not too far from here though. My mom wants me to stay close so I could visit every month if not more."

"Oh, that's nice!" Butters said with 0% sarcasm in his voice, which was still as shocking as always to Kenny. "What about you, Eric?"

"Who, me? Oh, don't mind me, really." Cartman said and checked his nails out nonchalantly. Kenny knew that meant he was going to drop a bomb. "Just gonna move to Germany right after graduation so I can study there for free." Boom.

"No way." Kyle said.

"It's true. Why wouldn't it be? I already know German, my grades are good enough to get in and I could live in the university dorms. I'll come here to visit my mom on holidays. Since I won't have to pay for studying, I'll be able to afford the flights. It's the perfect plan." Kyle couldn't argue with that, so he didn't say anything. "Why, are you jealous?"

"I'm not jealous!" Kyle immediately denied, "I just… think it's weird. You. living in Europe. Far from us."

"Well, there's a time for every chick to leave the nest. Looks like out of us five I'll just have to be the first."

"Chicks don't fly or live in nests, fatass."

"Whatever, fuck you Kahl, you know what I meant."

"Wait, so, what city are you going to live in, in, uh, Germany?" Butters asked, taking the conversation back to its subject.

The conversation stayed focused on Cartman, where he's planning to go and what exactly he's planning to do, and Kenny was thankful for that, because he wasn't ready for Butters' original question to be pointed at him.

Kenny had no plans. He didn't have enough money for college, or for moving to a country where it was free, and he didn't have good enough grades or a successful sports career for a scholarship, so this was off the table. He could keep saving up for that if he wanted to. Right now all the money he saved from work – which wasn't much due to him having to pay the bills instead of his parents – was saved up for nothing in particular. Sometimes he bought things Karen asked for, but he made sure not to spend all his leftover money yet, so he had some savings.

Had he been asked, he could've used Stan's answer and say he's gonna die after grad, though it wouldn't have the same effect with him as it had with Stan because he'd just end up coming back.

He really had to think up a plan, huh.

Maybe just working for now would be enough till he had an idea or any kind of boost for something to do.

Jeez, what a depressing thought.

"Can we talk about something else." he was asking-declaring when Cartman was in the middle of explaining something about his plans.

Stan and Kyle exchanged looks.

"Sure, man. What do you wanna talk about?" Stan said a little too softly for Kenny's liking.

"I don't give a shit, honestly, just not that. Talking about the future sucks." Kenny shrugged.

"I hear you," Stan nodded, "I don't have any other ideas though."

"We could just play video games instead," Kyle suggested and Kenny's eyes lit up.

"I call dibs on a spot in the first match!" Kenny yelled and watched Stan already getting up to set everything up.

3 wins later, he figured it was a good time to check his phone.

He was surprised to see a message waiting for him there. He was very surprised to see it's from Clyde.

'hey do u wanna come over maybe'

Kenny was about to reply that he couldn't, that he was at Stan's, and leaving now would be rude – before Cartman yelled from behind him.

"Do it!" Oops. Apparently Cartman was reading over Kenny's shoulder without him noticing. "Go over there!"

Kenny's eyes narrowed, "Why do you care so much?"

"Can't I just worry for my best friend's relationships outside of our group?" Cartman batted his lashes.

"Do you have another bet with Kyle?"

"Nope," Kyle was the one to reply then, "don't trust him though."

"As if." Kenny rolled his eyes and laughed. "Do the rest of you think I should go to Clyde's house now or stay here with you?"

"You keep kicking our asses in this game anyway, maybe it'd be best for all of us if you left so we could actually enjoy the game." Stan said, his eyes fixed on the screen.

Kenny thought of it for another second. Eh, what did he have to lose?

He slid his phone open and started typing a message in return,

'sure be there in 10'


	3. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=doEyIlBAdko

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> *eyes your angst* owo what's this?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey remember when this was a meme fic. well guess fucking what  
> make sure to check out the new tags before you read this chapter   
> also WOOT WOOT 10000 WORDS BARRIER OFFICIALLY BROKEN THIS IS OFFICIALLY THE LONGEST THING I'VE EVER WRITTEN

"So why did you invite me over?" Kenny asked as he stepped in the Donovans' house, right after he greeted Clyde at the entrance. "Do you wanna beat me up for leaving you with blue balls?"

"Nah, if this I wanted to beat you up, me and Craig would have waited for you outside my house so you won't bleed on my carpet." Clyde said before realizing, "wait, no, you didn't leave me with blue balls, I'm not-"

"It's all good Clyde, I was joking." Kenny smirked, "I know you invited me so I can suck your dick."

"Dude!"

"Still joking! Unless, like, you want me-"

"No!"

"Aight. If you ever change your mind, you know where I am."

"Yeah, you're at my house."

"That's not-"

"Anyway!" Clyde cut Kenny off again, "I invited you over because… ah shit, it's a little embarrassing I guess?"

"I won't laugh at you."

"Okay, so, it's just, I felt like you like listening to me, and this was like, the first time anyone ever enjoyed listening to me talking ever, so, I thought that maybe…"

Clyde went silent after that, as if expecting Kenny to understand what he meant by this. Kenny, of course, did not understand a thing. He made sure to raise his eyebrow at Clyde to make sure the other boy understood that he didn't understand him.

Clyde, of course, did not understand that. He kept staring at Kenny as if waiting for a response.

"You thought that maybe…?"

"I thought that maybe, you'd like to, like, hang out, and maybe talk, because I have a lot of things to talk about, and no one who'd listen, but now you'd listen, because I felt like you enjoyed it yesterday, and- I'm sorry, I probably figured things out wrong, I'm sorry, you can leave if you wanna, that's okay."

"I don't wanna leave." Kenny said, making it clearer by walking over and placing his ass right on the Donovans' couch. "You were right, I did enjoy it. Tell me more things," he smiled.

Clyde beamed and ran over to sit on the opposite side of said couch, landing a little wrong and making a face as his own ass hurt, but he quickly recovered and sat properly so he could talk and actually be heard. "Did you know bananas are slightly radioactive? And that eating about 400 of them at once can kill you?"

"Gotta try it sometimes, never had a death by bananas."

"Haha, what?"

"Never mind, keep going."

"Ice Cube's name comes from his brother threatening to slam him into a freezer and pull him out when he was an ice cube."

"Oh, that reminds me of my own brother."

"Dude, that's fucked up."

"Yeah."

* * *

It's been about 30 minutes of fact sharing followed by slightly distressing comments when they decided to take it upstairs. Clyde said his dad might be home soon and that it could get awkward if he does.

"Why would it get awkward?" Kenny asked once they were inside Clyde's room.

"He went to the bar, meaning he's probably trying to," Clyde did air quotes, "pick up some chicks. I don't want us to be there in case he actually succeeds and decides to bring them over. I'd rather not meet any woman he brings here unless they're serious, y'know."

"Yeah, I get you. It's weird looking at someone and only being able to think 'my dad fucked you'," Kenny nodded, "that's why I never talk to my mom."

 Kenny expected a laugh, or at least a giggle, but what he got instead was a worried expression from Clyde.

"I'm joking." He said and Clyde was obviously relieved, "I never talk to her because she's always high or pissed at me. Or both. I have no idea how someone manages to be so angry when they're high, but she does that." He added with a bitter laugh.

Another worried expression from Clyde. "Do you wanna… talk about it?"

"Sorry man, you gotta be at least level 5 friend with me or have at least 300 friend points to unlock my tragic backstory."

"Can I cheat and get more friend points somehow?"

"Well," Kenny tried to fake him thinking hard on an answer, "having sex with me earns you about 200 of those, so I think- what are you doing."

Clyde stopped pulling his shirt off to look at Kenny, "I'm… I'm getting ready to have sex with you?"

"Dude." Kenny tried to phrase a nice way to say 'you shouldn't have sex with me because you want me to talk, you ignorant slut' in his head, but ended up saying "You really want me to tell you my story that much?"

"Well, yeah. I'm curious." Clyde shrugged.

"Aw, you know what? Forget that friend points friend level crap. Sit down, boy, you're about to hear the tale of Kenny McCormick."

* * *

"No way."

"It's true."

"I don't believe you."

"Believe it."

"Prove it."

"You won't remember if I do. Trust me, I already died like, 5 times right in front of you, and as you can see, you haven't remembered a thing."

"Because- because it isn't real! You…"

"Cartman remembers, actually. Do you think I'd actually tolerate him that much for no reason? He's the only one. Well, and my parents, I think. One time when they were drunk my mom said something along the lines of 'why do I keep birthing you', so I think she has something to do with this."

"You mean to tell me, that if I ask one of them if you die sometimes, they'd say yes?"

"I mean, my parents have been denying it every time I asked them while sober, and Cartman will probably charge you money for his answer, so I guess not." Kenny shrugged. "I gotta say though, it's a little insulting you don't believe me. Why would I lie to you?"

"It's not like I think you're lying!" Clyde replied, "It just… doesn't make any sense! How does it work? Why you of all people? Will it ever go away? There are too many questions and holes for it to be true!"

"Well, it's the truth. You don't have to believe me, I guess. I get that it's hard to process all that." Kenny was playing with the strings of his hoodie, not meeting Clyde's eyes.

It was silent for a moment, before Clyde broke it. "I… I want to believe you. You told me that because you trust me, and like you said, you have no reason to lie to me. Especially not about something like that. So…"

Kenny looked up and smiled. "Thanks."

Clyde smiled back, before he got a strange look on his face and turned his eyes away. "Hey… Kenny?"

"Yeah?"

"Do you think we can-" he paused and took a deep breath, "Do you think we can… continue my dare now?"

"The kiss one or the fuck one?" Kenny smirked.

"The kiss one! The kiss one." Clyde blushed. "It was… it was nice, at the party. And you suggested after that that we continue, so…"

Kenny moved from his spot to go and be right next to Clyde in a second. "Yeah, we can do that."

He leaned closer for a bit, their lips not yet touching. He was gonna let Clyde close the distance between them, which he did just a second after.

It was way slower and way gentler than their first kiss. Instead of sexy tongue action or grinding, they just let their lips do what they did earlier – talk and learn about each other. It was the best kind of silent conversation.

They soon let their tongues join in, learning more, talking more. It was passionate and deep and just for them, no one else seeing, no one else judging, no one else a part of this moment but them.

He found himself gently pushing Clyde to lie down and getting on top of him slowly, not breaking the kiss for a moment. He felt Clyde's hands on his lower back and smiled into the kiss.

The kiss got deeper, both their tongues and their hands wandering further. Kenny had one hand on Clyde's hip and he noticed Clyde started spreading his legs and letting Kenny get between them.

"Clyde, I made- oh. Oh, sorry. I didn't know you had someone over."

Kenny and Clyde broke the kiss quickly to look at the voice's source, Clyde's dad, who was standing at the half-opened door and was looking at the floor with what was probably shame and guilt.

Kenny got off Clyde and the boy immediately got up and walked up to his father.

"Dad, please knock next time," he said, a little angrily, as he was standing in front of him.

"I did knock. You probably didn't hear it because you were… busy." Roger said and shot a look at Kenny.

"Okay! Okay, sorry, you're right, it's my fault. Can you just go now?"

Before he could reply, Clyde slammed the door and leaned against it.

"I'm sorry about that." He offered.

"It's okay man. It's equally as my fault since I didn't hear anything either." Kenny smiled.

Clyde giggled, "I guess." He sat back down on the bed with Kenny. "So, this was… nice."

"It was," Kenny said, "if you wanna keep going, we can-"

"Yes." Clyde blurted quickly. "Yes, I'd like that."

* * *

15 minutes later they came downstairs, looking disheveled and red-lipped. They greeted Roger who was sitting and reading a newspaper, and sat at the dinner table, seeing it's already been served.

They were in the middle of eating when Roger lowered his paper to talk. "So."

They both looked at him, then at each other.

"What's going on here?" He asked.

"What do you mean, dad?" Clyde asked.

"I'm curious. Are you guys… dating?" Roger looked at them from above his glasses.

"No," Clyde blushed and looked down at his food.

"Hmm. Then what were you doing?"

"We were just fooling around, dad."

Kenny tried to hide how his hands started shaking. He didn't want to deal with another homophobic dad. He already had Mr. Stotch on his ass.

"Just fooling around, huh." Roger shot Kenny a suspicious look. "Kenny, son, could you let us talk for a minute?"

"Uh…" Kenny looked at Clyde as if looking for an answer, but Clyde was looking at his dad angrily now. "Yeah, I'm just gonna head back to your room, okay Clyde?"

Clyde didn't reply and Kenny got up and walked away.

He knew it was wrong, but he sat on the stairs to listen to the conversation going on in the dining room.

He couldn't make out exactly everything, but what he heard was enough to confuse him even further.

"You know it's not good for you – your therapist said – I care about you," were bits he could make out from Roger.

He couldn't hear Clyde talking at first, before he heard him yelling.

"YOU DON'T KNOW ANYTHING! I AM DOING WHAT'S GOOD FOR ME! I KNOW BETTER THAN YOU! SHUT UP!" and then he was just straight up screaming, like basically just going "AAAAAAAA" for like 20 seconds.

There was a slam of something and then he heard Roger yelling some stuff he couldn't make out, then he heard Clyde crying, then he saw Roger's shadow moving so he sprinted to Clyde's room and tried to make himself look like he was sitting there the entire time, which was hard because he was panting pretty heavily from his sprint, but when Roger came in he didn't seem to notice that.

"Hey, Kenny, listen. I think you should go." He said. "I'm sorry for how sudden this is, but I don't think you should be here right now."

"It's okay. Tell Clyde I'll text him?" Kenny stood up.

"I will. Thank you for coming."

This was a bit too formal for Kenny, so he quickly made his way out of the room and back downstairs. He only paused to look for Clyde, but he wasn't in the dining room anymore, nor was he in his line of sight in the kitchen. Kenny was slightly worried but knew if he didn't leave now he might make things worse, so he opened the front door and left.

'are the guys still there' was the first thing he texted Stan when he was standing on the sidewalk.

'just kyle' he got a response immediately.

'k I'm coming' was his final message before he started walking back to Stan's house.

He was greeted with "you okay dude?" from Kyle and "did he kick you out?" from Stan when they opened the door for him.

"Not exactly." Kenny murmured, then noticed they were looking at him in question. "For both."

"Jeez. Come on dude, tell us everything." Stan placed a hand on his shoulder before he started heading upstairs so they could speak in private.

* * *

"Do you know what they meant? Or why he said you have to leave? Or where Clyde was when you left?" Kyle said once Kenny was done telling them the entire story.

Kenny pulled up three fingers to symbolize Kyle's questions, his other hand now on the first one. "No, if I had any idea I'd already have told you," he moved to the second one, "I think it was because of all the drama, he didn't want me to see Clyde like that, or something," third finger, "if I knew where he was, I wouldn't have told you I couldn't see him, Kyle."

"Hm. You're right." Kyle mumbled. "What are you gonna do now?"

"Well, I said I'll text him, so I guess I'll do that."

"Do you need help phrasing your text?" Stan suggested.

"Nah, I think I can do it by myself." Kenny shrugged. "So, what's up with you guys? Anything happened after I left?"

"Nah. We played a bit and then Butters said he had to go home, and then Cartman said he doesn't wanna be alone in the same room with both of us so he had to leave too, and we're just sorta chilling since then." Stan said.

"Nice. Did you use protection?"

Kyle flicked him across the ear. He probably deserved it.

"I think you should text Clyde now," Kyle didn't acknowledge his last comment, "it's not too soon, so you don't seem desperate, and it's not too late so you don't seem like you don't care." He paused. "You do care, right?"

"Yeah, I think so." Kenny looked at the floor. "I mean, he's cool. And I have fun talking to him. And I think he cares about me too. So I guess I care about him."

"Do you care about him because you actually care, or because you feel like you have to?" Stan asked.

Kenny had to think for a second. "I mean, I only really started talking to him yesterday…"

"Oh god, Kenny, if you don't actually care about him just do it later so he won't get the wrong message, okay?" Kyle sounded pretty damn angry.

"That's not what I meant!" Kenny was quick to defend himself, "I meant, like, I only really started talking to him yesterday, so I don't know if I simply care, as like, a friend, or if I…"

"If you…?"

"Or if I… have a crush on him."

"Oh. No worries man, you're valid." Stan said and patted his back. "You can develop a crush on someone the first moment you see them. It happens. It makes even more sense you'd develop one after making out with hi, y'know?"

"You really think so?" Kenny looked at Stan with a hopeful look.

It was Kyle who answered him, "Yeah man, crushes are weird, it's normal."

"Oh." Kenny felt a slight relief, but he was still a bit tense. "Thanks guys."

He pulled out his phone, remembering what started this crush talk – Kyle suggesting he'd text Clyde. He opened his messaging app and clicked on the conversation with Clyde.

He then realized he had no idea what to actually type.

"I don't know what to say." He told his friends.

"Hey Clyde, now click enter but not to send a new message," Stan started, "I had a great time with you comma, we should do this again sometime period."

"Do I add a period after 'hey Clyde'?"

"No, if you had to add that I'd tell you, pay attention."

"Aight."

"Now click enter again," Stan continued, "sorry about what happened period. I'd be really happy if you explained what's going on-"

"No, he shouldn't say that!" Kyle burst into his words. "Then it'd sound like he's just trying to milk information about him for impure purposes!"

"Well, sorry for being curious I guess!" Stan replied angrily.

"You can be curious, but not on account of Kenny's love life!" Kyle said even angrilier.

Stan went silent for a second. "Yeah, you're right. Sorry Ken."

"It's cool dude. How do I continue after 'sorry about what happened' then?"

"Oh yeah!" Stan started thinking again, "Uh, if you ever wanna talk comma, I'm here period."

"Add a heart emoji." Kyle added.

"He can't add a heart emoji, they're not dating yet."

"Oh yeah. A kiss emoji then?"

"Same effect. I'm thinking more smiling cat, but the one who has its eyes closed."

"That could be good, but what if he thought he was making fun of him?"

"Hmm, you're right. Maybe…"

"A peace sign emoji!" Kyle finally decided. "It's perfect! It shows you're casual and all good, it gives off a safe vibe to the person reading, you can't go wrong with a peace sign."

"You're right! Add a peace sign, Kenny!"

"Huh? Oh, sorry, I already used a banana emoji."

"KENNY!" they both shouted together.

"Why would you use a banana emoji?!" Stan said in anger.

"A banana means you're down to fuck! It doesn't mean you're here to listen!" Kyle said in even more anger.

"I think he'll get what I meant," Kenny shrugged, "and that's what matters, you know."

The other boys' words died down and they shared a look.

"If you say so, dude." Stan shrugged.

"Don't say we didn't warn you." Kyle added.

 Kenny had a feeling he was going to be okay with that choice.


End file.
